Photograph
by zashikabuta06
Summary: Quinn moves to NYC after graduating from Yale. She is surprised by the friendship she forges with her roommate, Rachel. She is more shocked when she captures Santana with the lens of her camera. Can they repair their broken friendship? Will it lead to something more? Future fic. Quinntana with Faberry friendship.
1. Chapter 1

**_"We keep this love in a photograph_**

 ** _We made these memories for ourselves_**

 ** _Where our eyes are never closing_**

 ** _Hearts are never broken_**

 ** _And time's forever frozen still" - Ed Sheeran_**

 ** _Photograph_**

 ** _A Quinntana story_**

click-click-click

The sound of my camera is as a part of me as my heartbeat. Sometimes, I think it synchs up: my heartbeat and my camera. That is when I feel the most alive.

After leaving the Lima drama, then eventually Yale, for the bright lights of NYC, I knew I had finally found my home. It certainly didn't hurt that I did have one thing from my past with me: Rachel Barbara Berry. Funny how adulting makes you see people in a different way. The high school version of Quinn could never have seen this coming. It was serendipitous- how we ended up living together. Kurt and Blaine wanted their own space and Rachel needed a roommate to pay rent for her Bushwick loft. Her dads told her that they would support her but Rachel being Rachel- she wanted to prove she could make it in this crazy, wild, big city that was the complete opposite of where we grew up. So, here I was, living a life I never dreamed of with a roommate-turned-best friend that I never could have imagined. I think it was Finn that brought together, when all throughout high school he was what tore us apart. After he passed, we were the two people he loved. We had that commonality and, while I was never in love with him, I did know that he did love me. I was his first love and Rachel was his forever love. At first, It was awkward living with Rachel. I fell off the face of the earth from the Gleeverse after I left Lima for New Haven. I didn't even come back for Finn's memorial service but I did text Rachel. She was the one person I reached out to. I told her this: _Be comforted in knowing how much Finn loved you_. She replied: _Thank you, Quinn_. After that, it was radio silence until I literally moved in 5 years later. We were in are early-to-almost mid 20s and life had evolved both of us. It was as if we let go of all the jealousy and resentment.

MOVE-IN DAY, 5 years ago

I knock on the sliding door with most of my possessions. I didn't have a lot- mostly books and textbooks from Yale; my photography equipment; my box of McKinley mementos; and 3 suitcase of clothes. I sold my car and the person would be picking it up today. Kurt left his furniture, so I had a dresser, mirror, nightstand ,and bookcase. I did buy a new bed, since Kurt took his. They would be delivering it on Monday, so I was couching it for the weekend. I didn't expect Rachel to be home but she was. She wanted to welcome me by cooking dinner. It was our fresh start that I knew we needed. Over the sumptuous meal (I was surprised how good of a chef she was), we caught up on each other's lives. She filled me on the Brody debacle and how Santana was a rock for her to lean on. After she married Britt, nobody had heard from them. We assumed they were on their lovefest all over the world. I told her about getting my BA in photography and writing. I decided drama wasn't the best fit for me. I did shock her when I revealed I was bi, and had a serious girlfriend fo the better part of my Junior and Senior years. Coraline. Evoking her name brought up so much for me- the good and the bad. We were finally in a good place but she moved to California for grad school. It was one of the reasons why we broke up. My heart was set on NYC and I hope she would choose it for grad school. She was set on UCLA and their creative writing program. It was our last big fight, when we realized that we didn't want to be long distance. I'm not gonna lie-I did see a future with her. Alas, it was not meant to be.

That first night, Rachel open her arms to me and I relaxed in her embrace. I hadn't had a hug in a long time- since my good-bye with Coraline.

She told me, "Quinn, I'm really glad you are here. I think we are going to be great friends."

I answered her, "I already know that we will be."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Quinn! Get up! This is the last time I'm going to get you up. I'm leaving in 5 minutes…." And with that, a pillow is tossed to my head. I raise my hand, proclaiming, "I'm up, Rach. I swear."

"You said that 10 minutes ago. You are going to be late, Quinn, for your brand new job!"

Hearing that made me bolt up in bed. Yes! My new job! I jumped out of bed and ran for the bathroom, glancing at the clock. SHIT! 8 o'clock?! I was supposed to be in Manhattan by 9 am.

"Thanks, Rach! See you tonight. I'll bring home dinner!," I yell over my shoulder. I can hear her laughing at me.

"I want Greek, Quinn. Good luck, today. You'll be great."

I hear the heavy sliding door open, then close as I enter the shower. Well, at least sleeping late meant the hot water had enough time to come back after Rachel's shower.

I manage to leave the loft my 8:30, making it to Barney's New York by 9:10 am. Not so horrible, I think to myself.

I go up to the 7th floor, where my department is located. I am greeted by my new boss, Gretchen.

"Quinn, don't make it a habit of being late. We can't afford to be off schedule."

"Yes, sorry, Gretchen. It won't happen again."

"Here is your cubicle. Meet me in my office in 10 minutes. That should give you enough time to get a proper cup of coffee. Welcome to the team, Quinn."

I take off my wool overcoat, blue multi-stripe scarf and mittens and sit in my office chair. My new job. I made it.

Midway thru my first day, I could already tell I was going to like it. I was working as a photography stylist. Gretchen had seen my art showing in Soho a couple of months back with a bunch of up and coming photographers. She said she liked my style and perspective. My collection was of kids going to and coming home from school: hand and hand with parents or siblings and waiting at bus stops of in front of their houses. It was a collection I was proud of. Gretchen reached out to me 3 months ago and after I finished up my job as a wedding photographer, I was ready for this new challenge.

Working at Barney's New York was definitely different from shooting brides and grooms. I was shooting dresses for the catalogue when I saw her in my viewfinder. I knew it was her. Santana Lopez, as I live and breathe. I couldn't act. I just followed her, snapping away. The years aged her well and she still had her signature style: a tight fitting dress matched with a black leather jacket and black thigh high boots. I looked around her and saw no Brittany in sight. Before i could get her attention, she was gone out of view. Did she work here? Was she just shopping? I set down my camera and yelled out to the group, "I need to take 5." I was in desperate search of my former friend. A friend I shared a passionate two-time stand with. I thought of that night often and I had yet to feel anything close to it since then- not even with Coraline.

I looked everywhere. I still wasn't familiar with the layout of the store, which didn't help my situation. After 15 minutes, I knew I had to get back to the studio. I sighed loudly, disappointed I lost her. Gretchen saw me, dejected, so I figured I would ask her.

"Is Santana Lopez an employee here?"

"You know Santana? Yes, she one of our best personal shoppers since she started last year."

'Oh, okay. I went to high school with her. Small world, isn't it?"

She nodded as we walked back to the studio to finish up for the day.

It was 7:30 by the time I made it home, food from The Great Greek in hand. It was easy to order for Rach- a vegetarian sampler with falafel, grape leaves, hummus, baba ganoush and taboule salad. I got a lamb kebab with greek salad.

I knew Rachel would be famished, as was I.

"Finally, Quinn! I was about to make veggie soup for dinner! Come, sit. Tell me about your first day!"

I couldn't help it that the first thing that came to mind was Santana.

"I saw Santana at work today. Apparently, she works there as a personal shopper for their high spending clients. She looked… fantastic."

"Whoa, Quinn. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you had a crush on her."

"Maybe I do…"

"Wait, what? No way, Quinn Fabray. Tell me you are lying."

"Ever since our night together on Valentine's day, the day of Mr. Schue's failed wedding to Ms. Pillsbury, I can't help thinking about her. I think about that night more often than I'd like to admit."

"You guys slept together that night…the same night Finn and I did?"

"Hey, now, We weren't the only ones. So did Kurt and Blaine and Arty and that chick."

"Give me a second. I did remember seeing you two slowing dancing while Finn and I sang 'We've Got Tonight.' You looked mighty comfortable."

"That's the perfect word to describe it, Rach- comfortable. I felt safe in Santana's arms. And that night, it was magic."

"Hmmmm, so you've had feelings for her ever since?"

"I suppose so and they came up to the surface, seeing her today."

Rachel said, as she dipped her pita bread in baba ganoush, " Well, Quinn, I don't have any doubt you will run into her again. The thing is you know she is there. She doesn't know you are. So, you can prepare."

I answered her, "Even if I prepped what to say to her, she would leave me speechless when I actually talk to her."

This surprised Rachel.

"I don't think I've seen smitten Quinn ever. You never felt this way about Finn, huh? Certainly not Puck or Sam."

"Rachel, I've never felt this way about anyone."

"This is my thing, Quinn. Let's figure out how you can get your girl. Santana. Wow. Wait, do you know if she's still with Brittany?"

"I have no clue, Rach. But I guess there are ways to find out- like to ask Santana directly."

"I'll ask Tina," Rachel said. "She would know."

"It's worth a shot, if she knows anything."

"I'll text her after dinner. Now, eat up Quinnybear. Your food is getting cold."

"I'm just going to go change."

I go to my room and flop on my bed.

Santana.

The last person I ever expected to see.

The one person I longed for.

I didn't realize how much I missed her until I saw her.

Wow. Santana.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Chapter 3_**

Tina didn't know and if she didn't know then no one would know.

What was it that I wanted to know? Did it even matter to me if they were still together?

My head was a mess. In my heart of hearts, I knew the answer to that question.

Here I was - many, many moons from that one night and it was the one night that changed everything.

She changed everything.

Santana.

I stripped myself of my work clothes and opted for an old, comfy Yale t-shirt and plaid boxer shorts. On my way to my bed, I kneel down next to it and find what I am looking for. A shoebox of photographs that held my most precious memories. You would think a photographer would have a library full of photos in nice, pristine albums. I've just always done it this way. I know the proper order of these pictures by heart. It is a heart whose lock is only opened by your key. This crummy, old, weathered box holds the story of us.

 **2000**

A warmth goes thru my body as I relive the day we first met. A day that forever changed me and my path in life. I hold in my hands the group picture of our 3rd grade class. It was your first full year at only one school for the first time in your life. We were eight years old.

 _Flashback_

"Lucy, keep still," my mom said, as she brushed my hair.

I was so excited that I couldn't keep still, even if I tried. It was the first day of school and I loved school. I was in the 3rd grade and my teacher would be Miss Bliss. My sister, Frannie, liked her a lot. She was in 6th grade. I followed her wherever she went. I love my big sister.

"Mom, I need my sweater!" Frannie yells out from her bedroom.

"Judy, where is my breakfast?" my father asks rather sternly.

My mom stopped brushing my hair. She leaves the bathroom and I watch her go to the laundry room and get my sister's sweater. Then, she went downstairs to the kitchen. I hear my father yelling at her.

"Damn it, Judy. You know I need to have my breakfast at 7 o'clock. Tell me what time it right now."

"It is 7:03."

"It's late. What the fuck where you doing?"

"It's the first day school, Russell. I was doing Lucy's hair."

"She is 8 years old, Judy. She can do her own hair. Frannie could do it all by herself by that age."

"Yes, Russell, but our girls are two different people."

I knew that my dad loved Janie more. I tried to please him. I got straight A's. I even played softball because I knew he loved baseball. I did my chores. I was polite. I was a good girl. But he always compared to me to his Frannie. I could never win. No matter what I did, I never measured up to his ridiculously high standards.

I go to Frannie's room and ask her if she would braid my hair. She rolls her eyes before sitting me down in front of her vanity. I had long, golden hair like hers. Frannie had already done her hair in a French braid. She was so pretty. This year, she would be in a different building from me. I was nervous that she would be far away.

"Lucy, I will be in the building across from yours. I will be right there if you need me, okay?" she says, as she kisses the top of my head.

"Frannie!Lucy! Get down here now so your mother can drive you to school," my dad yelled. He was always yelling. He was only happy after he got home from work. My mom would have his "scotch neat" ready for him. After he had 2 of those, he would smile at her. Sometimes, we would even smile at me. My dad was angry a lot. I don't know why. I was happy all the time. To me, it took up a lot of energy to be mad. Being happy was easy. My mom was happy most of the time, so was my sister. But they weren't as happy as I was.

We run down the stairs, with our backpacks. My mom hands me my My Little Pony lunch box and hands Janie a sack lunch. My father kisses Janie on the cheek. I wish he would do that to me. All he did was pat me on the head. He never hugged me. He never told me he loved me. I told him I loved him all the time.

During the ride to school, I could barely contain my excitement.

"Calm down, Lucy. You must be the only child who loves the first day of school," my mom says with a laugh.

I was always the smartest one in my class. I just loved to read and learn. Reading helped me escape from home and my dad. We pull up to the school and Frannie pulls down the visor to put on lip gloss. She always wore pink, shimmery lip gloss. It made her lips sparkly.

"Come on, squirt. I'll walk you to class," she tells me.

My mom turns around to face me. "Honey, there is a surprise for you in you backpack. Meet your sister right here at 2:30 pm okay? Have a great first day, Lucy!"

I open the door and step out onto the concrete sidewalk. Frannie takes my hand and closes the car door. I turn around and wave to my mom before she drives away. Ifollow my sister where she leads me. Soon, I am in my classroom.

"Well, hi, Frannie! How are you? And who is this?' Miss Bliss asks.

"I am good, Miss Bliss. This is my little sister, Lucy."

I extend my hand out to her. My dad said that whenever you meet someone new, you shake their hand. She shakes my hand. Her hand was soft.

"Nice to meet you, Lucy. Why don't you sit next to Bentley and Savannah?"

My sister gives me hug before leaving the classroom.

I see all the kids in the class. It is the same group as last year. I remember that my mom said she had a surprise for me. I open my knapsack and see a new My Little Pony. It was light purple with a purple mane. I was so excited. I pull her out to show Savannah. We start to play when I notice someone in front of the classroom.

She is a new girl, standing with her mom. She looks so pretty. I have never seen anyone like her before. She has skin like the carmel from a Milky Way bar. She has 2 braids, one on each side, tied with a red ribbon, to match our uniforms. She looks a little scared. She shouldn't be scared. Miss Bliss wasn't scary. She was really nice, Frannie said so. I look at her and smile. I watch her as her eyes move all over the classroom. She finally sees me smiling at her and gives me a small smile back. I wave "Hi!" to her when her mom pushes her toward Miss Bliss. She sticks her hand out to shake her hand. In her other hand is a G.I. Joe lunchbox, like the boys have. I wonder why she has a boy lunchbox.

The bell rings and we all stop what we are doing.

"Okay, everyone, let's take our seats. This is Santana Lopez. Her family just moved here from France. Can anyone tell me where France is?" Miss Bliss asks.

"It is in Europe. It kinda looks like a weird square." I answered.

There it was again, her small, slight smile.

"That is correct, Lucy. Let's all welcome Santana to Lima and St. John's!"

The class exclaims: "Welcome Santana!" clapping their hands.

She shuffles her feet, slightly bowing her head, with a blush creeping up the apple of her cheeks.

"Why don't you take that empty seat next to Lucy and Bentley, Santana? And Lucy, why don't you show her where to put her things," Miss Bliss asks. I got up and walked up next to her, smiling brightly. Santana gives me another smile, this one bigger than the last, her dark brown eyes meeting my hazel. She is beautiful. I lead her to the back of the classroom, where we hung our coats and knapsacks.

"Hi! I'm Lucy." I say, sticking out my hand. "Nice to meet you, Santana!"

She grips my hand, giving me a strong squeeze. Making her smile was becoming my new favorite thing. I watched, as she hung up her backpack on the empty hook next to mine. I pointed to the cubby hole and she put her lunchbox inside. She was quiet. She didn't say anything to me yet. Maybe she was still scared. So, I reached down and laced our fingers together. Holding someone hand always made me feel less scared. Santana looked down at our hands, then looked at me. She gave me a big smile. I walked us to our desks.

At 10:00, we had snack time. My mom knows that I like grapes, the green ones. She also packed me an apple juice box. I look at Santana and she didn't have a snack. She looked hungry.

"Santana, would you look some of my grapes?"

I saw her smile again, as she took a couple of grapes from my ziplock bag.

At 11:45, we got our lunch boxes and went to the cafeteria. I took my My Little Pony box and she took her G.I. Joe box. We sat together at a table and waited for the lunch mothers to pass out cartons of milk. I always had a turkey and cheese sandwich.I saw her open her box and pull out a different looking sandwich.

"What kind of sandwich is that, Santana?" I ask her.

She finally spoke, "It's a Cuban. It has lots of stuff in it, like pickles."

"I like pickles. Why do you have a G.I. Joe lunchbox?"

Santana smiles brightly, telling me, "It's because my mom and dad are both in the Army. We moved here so we could be closer to my abuela, uhh, my grandmother."

She offered half of her sandwich to me. I gave her the other half of mine. It was the best sandwich I ever tasted. She liked mine too. The big kids came to eat at 12:10, after we were done eating. I saw my sister coming towards me.

"Hey squirt! Make a new friend today?" she said, looking at Santana.

"Frannie, this is Santana. She is new. She is from France," I tell her.

"Bonjour, Santana," my sister says, extending her hand.

Santana shakes it saying, "Bonjour, mademoiselle."

After lunch, we go to the playground. We usually jump rope. My sister knows how to jump on two ropes at the same time. She calls it Double Dutch. She promised to teach me when I get bigger. Santana still is quiet but I can tell she is having fun. She is smiling more.

Before I know it, school is over. I walk over to where I am meeting my sister. In the afternoons, we walk home because my mom is at work. I hold Santana's hand, as we walk to the statue of St. John the Evangelist. This is where I am supposed to meet my sister. I can tell that Santana is looking for her mom. Instead, an older woman comes up to her.

"Nieta, como fue su primera dia de classes? (Granddaughter, how was your first day of school?" she asks Santana.

I see her wrap her arms around the lady.

Santana answers, "Hi, abuela! Era bueno! Hice un nuevo amigo! Es madre en el hospital?"

(Hi, grandma. It was good! I made a new friend. Is mom at the hospital?)

"Yes, Santana, that is why I am here to pick you up," she replies.

"Grandma, this is my new friend, Quinn."

I let go of Santana's hand to offer my hand to her, but she gives me a big hug instead. It was nice being hugged. I didn't get a lot of those. I was happy that Santana called me her friend. She was my new friend, too. Frannie walks up next to me. "Ready to go, Quinnie?"

Santana looks at me confused.

"I thought your name was Lucy."

"Well, it is. Quinn is my middle name. And only Janie calls me Quinnie."

"You must be Lucy's sister. Hello, I am Maria, Santana's grandmother."

"It is nice to meet you! Come on, Luce, we have to get going. You have ballet class at 4 o' clock."

My eyes light up. I love ballet class. I was in Intermediate Ballet.I wonder what Santana had after school. I was just about to ask her when Frannie takes my hand and starts walking.

"Goodbye, Santana! See you tomorrow!"

"Bye, Quinn! Have fun at ballet!"

I can hear her telling her grandma that she wants to go to ballet class, too.

After we get home, I have a snack and get ready for class. My mom picks me up and takes me to the studio. I tell her all about school and Santana. Sometimes, my mom doesn't seem like she is listening to me. I think it is because my dad gives her a lot to think about. He yells at her a lot. He sometimes he yells at me but he never yells at Janie. He doesn't really talk to me, just when he wants me to bring him the newspaper or his smelly scotch.

She takes me inside the studio and talks with Britt's mom, who is our teacher.

To my surprise, I see Santana here. I bounce over to her.

"Hi! Are you going to be taking ballet classes?"

"My abuela is talking to Mrs. Holland. I was taking ballet lessons in France. I was going to continue here but we didn't know where to go."

I sit down and get my ballet shoes out of my bag. Santana does the same.

"Santana, Mrs. Holland would like to see you dance so she knows which class to put you in. I told her you could probably be in the advanced class," her grandmother says.

Santana looks scared all of a sudden.

"Come on, nieta. Nothing fancy."

She looks at me and looks up at Mrs. Holland. She isn't scary at all. Mrs. Holland is my favorite teacher.

"Here, Santana. Lucy can dance with you, okay? How does that sound?"

We both get up from the floor. I smile at her and we begin to dance. Santana is really good. She can dance better than me.

"Well, Maria, you are right. Santana can be in the Advanced class if she wants."

"Which class do you want to be in, nieta? This one or the advanced?"

"If Lucy is in this one, then I want to be here."

"It is settled then. Okay, I will be back to get you. Have a good class!"

I am so happy that Santana is staying in the class with me. My new friend is here with me. I look over and see her smiling at me. I really like Santana's smile. When she smiles, I smile.

At the end of class, I see Janie coming in with my mom. She meets Santana's grandma and they talk for a bit. Santana taps me on the shoulder.

"I am going home now. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yes. Can you bring that Cuban sandwich again?"

"Only if you bring your turkey and cheese."

I don't even think as I hug her. I love giving hugs. She hugs me back.

"Bye, Lucy!"

"Bye, Santana!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Lucy Quinn Fabray! I am not going to be your alarm clock every fucking morning! Get yer arse outta bed now! You don't want to be late for your new job 2 days in a row…."

I wake up and I can already tell that my eyes are red and puffy from crying myself to sleep. I look down and see the picture I am holding- me in my 8th grade school picture; Lucy Caboosey in all her glory.

I see her windup and I catch the pillow she flings at me in bed.

"I'm up Rach. Thanks for being a friend."

I quickly kiss her on the cheek then turn away from her, on my way to the bathroom. I don't want her to see my tear-stained cheeks. I didn't have time nor did I want her sympathy. Luckily, she had something, err rather, someone on her mind to pay me any notice.

"Don't wait up, Quinn. I have another date with Ross. He is taking me to the planetarium so we can look up at the stars."

"This makes 4 dates, right? So, when do you seal the deal?"

"Usually, I make them wait till date number 6. 5 if I'm really feeling and crushing on him."

"And Ross?"

"I don't know if I can make it to 5… but he'll go to his place if, you know…"

Seeing this Rachel was wonderful. She had become this strong, confident, sexual being who knew what she wanted. It took her a long time after Finn died and that whole disaster that was Brody to recover. Slowly and surely, she found her way. Ross was the first real contender, after a few other guys that weren't up to snuff.

I run back in my room and get 3 things for her date with Ross:

1.) my plum-colored deep v-neck cashmere sweater that will only enhance her bosom

2.) my eyelash curler

and

3.) my worn, cool to the touch, obsedian worry stone to ease her nerves

She gratefully takes all of it, winks, then smacks me on my bottom.

"Off you go to the shower, Quinniebear. You can't be late again!" Rachel proclaims.

I close the door behind me and am filled with memories of my 13-year old self. Lucy Caboosey in the flesh, as I look at my fake nose in the mirror. I know she is still within me. She is a part of me and she helped make me the Quinn I am today. Somedays, like today, it just hurts to remember...

 ** _Flashback: 2006_**

I held my hand over my right cheek, as if that would stop the stinging. I would not cry. I would not let him see me cry. I had forgotten to pick up the newspaper and since it rained all day, it was ruined. Dad had hollered at me for a good 10 minutes. I wasn't expecting the slap. It was the first time he ever hit me. He didn't say anything after that. Janie pulled me upstairs. I could hear him yelling at my mom to get him is scotch neat.

"Are you okay? Here, let me take a look at it," Janie says, prying my hand away from my cheek. I was crying now because it really hurt. I had never seen my father so angry with me. I could still hear him yelling about how stupid I was. I wasn't stupid. I was the smartest kid in my class. But he didn't care. Well, he didn't care about me.

"Crap. I can see his hand print on your face. What are we gonna do, Quinnie?" she asks, as she points to me in the mirror. Sure enough, my father's handprint was on my face. A knocking on Frannie's door scared both of us.

"Lucy, honey, it's mom," she says, walking inside the room. I could hear the TV on full blast in the family room.

"Oh my God," she exclaims. How are we going to cover this up? You can't go to school with that on your face. It will only look worse tomorrow. You'll have to stay home from school tomorrow, honey."

"But mom, I have an oral report on the Emancipation Proclamation. I have to go."

"I have concealer that matches her skin color. See?" Janie says, applying it over the red, offensive mark.

"Well, I guess that should work. You'll just give Luce your compact. Show her how to put it on."

"Mom, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to forget Dad's newspaper. I just-"

"Lucy Quinn Fabray, your father asks you to do one thing for him. What is it?"

"To pick up the newspaper from the grass and bring it inside."

"You have no excuse. I want you to go downstairs and apologize to your father right now."

"But mom, he hit me. Shouldn't he be apologizing to me?"

"That's it young lady. You are grounded. No sleepover with Santana this weekend. Now, go!"

I march out of Frannie's room and walk down the stairs. He was mad at me? Well, I was mad at him.

"Dad, I am sorry about the newspaper. I promise it won't happen again."

"It better not, Lucy, or you will get something worse than a slap. Get me my bottle of scotch."

I go over to the bar and get him his beloved scotch. All my father did when he got home was watch TV and drink. He didn't even eat dinner with us anymore. My mom would bring it to him and place it on a tray next to his barcalounger. He barely acknowledged me. I hand him his scotch. He doesn't even thank me. He glares at me before saying, "Now, go on and get. I can't stand the sight of you."

I think that hurt more than the slap. I stay in my room the rest of the night. I have food hiding in my bedside table. I babysit the neighbor's kids for some pocket money. We only have healthy food at my house. So, I go to 7-11 and buy cookies and chips. Sometimes, I will have eaten all of it at one time. It makes me feel sick. I go to the bathroom and throw up what I just ate. I started doing this 2 months ago. I think Frannie is worried about me. But she is in high school now and she is always busy with the Cheerios. My dad doesn't care and neither does my mom. The only one who cares is Santana. Ever since 3rd grade, we have been best friends. We were in the same Girl Scout troop, gymnastics class, and Advanced Ballet with Mrs. Holland.

Since Santana lived so close to me, I would sneak out to see her. I climbed out the window and down the trelis. I knew my mom wouldn't even check on me. Frannie was doing her homework and my father was still angry at me. I hopped on my bike and pedaled the 3 blocks to Santana's home. Her house was huge compared to mine and we did have a nice house. Her home always felt so warm and caring. Mine felt cold and empty. I went around to the back and started to throw pellets at her window. It was then that I realized it was late. Maybe she was asleep? I started to turn back towards the front of the house when I hear her whisper: "Luce, is that you?"

I emerge from the shadows and she throws down the rope ladder her father insisted she have, in case of a fire. I climbed up and into her room. I look at the clock. It is 11 o'clock.

"I am sorry to have woken you. I can go, San."

"Sit down, Luce. What's wrong? And don't tell me nothing."

I was trying to hide the right side of my face. I had forgotten to put on the concealer. Maybe if Santana didn't turn on a light, she wouldn't see it. But then she switched her bedside lamp on. I can hear her gasp.

"What happened? Who did that to you?"

"It is all my fault. I forgot to bring in the newspaper, so my dad slapped me."

I begin to cry, but this time, I have arms to hold me. Santana stays with me until I calm down.

"It is not your fault. He should never, ever hit you. That is not right. I am going to tell my papi. He will take care of this."

I knew that would be a bad idea. My dad wouldn't like me telling people our family business. Plus, he didn't like Dr. Lopez. He said that, "Those Mexicans are taking all the jobs from us Americans." Dr. Lopez wasn't Mexican. He was Puerto Rican. He was a colonel in the Army. He was a doctor. He was a kind man that loved his daughter. I wish he was my father.

"You can't Santana. Please don't tell your dad. It will make mine ever madder. He said if I did something like this again, I would get something worse than a slap."

"But, Lucy, at least let my mom take a look at it. I promise, we won't tell my dad."

I nod my head and Santana runs out of her room. She returns with her mom and I feel horrible that she had to wake her up.

"I am sorry, Dr. Lopez. I can just go home."

She sits down next to me and inspects my cheek, touching it gently. I coiled back at a her touch.

"I always tell you to call me Maribel, Lucy. You don't have to me so formal after all this time," she says to me warmly. "It's not broken, but you will have a bad bruise on it by the morning. How did this happen?"

"I walked into a door. I am a klutz."

"You are not a klutz, Lucy. You are one of the most graceful dancers in Mrs. Holland's class. I am going to ask you again, how did this happen?"

"I forgot to bring in the newspaper, so my dad slapped me."

"Ay dios mio! I am going to call your Uncle Carlos, Santana. Please get me the phone. Who does he think he is, slapping his own child?"

I ask her, "Who is Uncle Carlos?"

Santana answers, "He is my uncle. He's a cop."

Maribel can see the terror on my face.

"Lucy, I know that you are scared, but this is something that has to be done. It is not your fault, you hear me? Your father should never, ever lay a hand on you. Has he done this before?"

I shake my head yes.I don't know how to stop it. Maybe, if I just leave, she won't tell anyone. I get up from Santana's bed, go to her window, and climb down. I run to my bike and go as fast as I can. I hear Santana calling for me. I make it home in 5 minutes tops. I am back in my room, praying that Maribel doesn't call the cops. But she does. They both knock on the door 20 minutes after I get home. Now, I have no where to hide. I pretend to sleep. I can hear my father's voice getting louder and louder.

"Lucy Quinn Fabray, you get down here this instant!"

I run down the stairs in my pajamas.

"Please tell Officer Garcia that this all a misunderstanding."

"Officer Garcia, my dad didn't hit me. I walked into a door. I wasn't paying attention. I am sorry."

He asks my dad, "Mr. Fabray, will you lift up your hands were I can see them?"

My father does as he is told.

"Your hand matches the handprint on your daughter's cheek. I am placing you under arrest."

"You no good little shit. After everything I do for you! Just wait till I get home."

"Mr. Fabray, we will make it so you can't come home."

With that, Officer Garcia handcuffs my father and takes him outside. My mother is pleading with him. My sister is standing behind me. Maribel is the first one to touch me, to comfort me. I am so scared. She hugs me and doesn't let me go. Santana is so lucky to have a mom like this. A mom who cares and a mom who hugs. I can't remember the last time my mom hugged me. She asks my sister to get a bag of frozen peas. Frannie gets it and Dr. Lopez places it on my cheek.

"Lucy, I know that you are scared, but you did the right thing coming to me. When bad things happen to kids, I have to tell the cops, otherwise I will get in trouble. Now, let me help you, help all of you."

"That won't be necessary, Maribel. I think you have done quite enough," my mom says to her. She was being so mean and condescending instead of being thankful.

"Lucy, go up to your room right now. I will walk Dr. Lopez out."

"Actually, Judy, I will be taking Lucy with me." She hands my mother a piece of paper.

"Protective custody! What are you saying? That I will hurt my daughter?"

"Well, your husband did and you did nothing to stop it. And apparently, this isn't the first time he has hit her. Come on, Lucy, let's go."

I don't listen to my mom yelling at Dr. Lopez. I just listen to what she tells me, that everything will be alright. And she was right. I got to stay with Santana for a week. It was like a extra long sleepover. Santana's dad and uncle told me that my dad wasn't allowed to see me. They said that when I went home, he wouldn't be there. Just my mom and sister would be there.

Home wasn't the same when I got home. Mom was more distant that ever. Frannie blamed me because she loved our father and it was because of me that he didn't live with us anymore. I love my dad, too, even if he didn't love me. I would spend more and more time at Santana's house because that felt like home. Dr. Lopez treated me like her daughter. I was actually happy. Then, after my 14th birthday and I was in 8th grade, my mom told me that I couldn't stay over Santana's anymore. She said that I was her daughter, not theirs. But she didn't treat me like they did. They loved me. My mom barely tolerated me.

I would spend more and more time in my room, eating then vomiting. There was word for what I did, bulimia. I learned about it in Health class. I had bulimia. I wanted to be skinny like my sister. My mom told me that I was fat. She would only give me salads and soups to eat. She would watch what I ate. She told me that no boy would ever want to date me. She made me feel horrible. Santana knew that something was wrong.

"Luce, why are you so sad all the time?"

"My mom says that I am fat. She says I will never have a boyfriend because I am ugly. I am not pretty, like Frannie."

"That is not true. You are the prettiest girl I know. You have long blonde hair and nice eyes. You are not fat, Lucy. You are not ugly. You are beautiful," she says, giving me a hug. I want to believe her, I do. It's just hard to believe her after you hear that over and over again.

"Well, this summer, before we start high school, we'll work out every day. We can go over to McKinley and run around the track. In the afternoon, we can hang by my pool and swim laps. It will be great. Didn't your sister say that we needed to build up stamina if we wanted to make the squad?"

"Yes, she said that Coach Sylvester was very tough to please. She only likes her Varsity team."

"Okay, well, that is what we'll do this summer, okay, Luce? It will be fun, you'll see."

"My dad is coming home next week."

"What do you mean, Luce? I thought he wasn't allowed to be there."

"He took a bunch of classes and he talked to a doctor about his anger. The doctor said it was okay. My mom and Frannie are really excited about it. I don't know how I feel about it. He's been gone for so long, San, but I'm afraid of him."

"I am going to ask my mom and Uncle Carlos about this."

"It's okay, San. He did everything the court said he had to do in order to come home. He says he is sorry. He wrote me a letter and he told me he was sorry for slapping me. He told me that things will be better when he gets home. He said that he will be better. I want to believe him. I still love him. He is my dad. I miss him."

I didn't realize I was crying until she hands me a tissue, sitting next to me.

"Just be careful, Lucy. Promise me. If he does anything, you have to call my Uncle Carlos, okay. Or call me and I will tell my mom. He can't hurt you ever again."

"You really are my best friend, Santana. I love you."

"I love you too, Luce."

My dad was better. He talked to me. He told me how sorry he was. He told me that I had grown up so much. I saw the biggest difference in my mom. She was back to life. Everything at home was much better. Frannie was nicer to me and didn't seem so mad at me.

My mom was still concerned about my appearance. I tried to ignore what she said. I wanted to listen to what Santana told me. She told me I was beautiful just the way I am. I was still binging and purging. I saw Frannie taking laxatives, so I started taking them too. If she was doing it, I could too. Santana didn't know about the bulimia. I hid it from her. I hid it from everybody.

One morning, my mom spoke to me.

"Lucy, you have a doctor's appointment today at 2 o'clock."

"What for mom? I am not sick."

"It is with Dr. Friedman, a plastic surgeon. He is going to give you a nose job. Trust me, this will help your appearance. You will look pretty like your sister. It is the best way to start at McKinley. There is no discussion. Your father and I talked it over. We agreed that this is for the best."

I didn't know how to react to this. I did want to be pretty like Frannie. But Santana told me that I was pretty. Santana was pretty. She was the prettiest girl I ever saw, even prettier than my sister. I don't want to have a nose job but I didn't have a choice.

I was going to have surgery in May, right after 8th grade graduation. Santana told me she didn't understand why I was doing it. Maribel tried to speak to my mom about it, but ever since the thing with my dad, my mom didn't like talking to her. She insisted that I stay at her home to recover. Since my mom didn't want to take care of me, she allowed it. Santana never left my side the whole week. I slept in her bed, just like we used to do, during our sleepovers. It was nice having someone in bed with me again. I didn't feel so alone. After I recovered from my surgery, we did what Santana said we were going to do. We ran everywhere and swam every afternoon. I was feeling really good about myself. I could tell that I was losing weight and I felt stronger.

One summer afternoon, I told Santana:

"I think I am going to change my name."

"What do you mean, Luce?"

"Well, with my new nose and my new body, I feel like a different person. I am not Lucy Caboosey anymore. I feel like a Quinn now, not a Lucy."

"But I like Lucy. Lucy is my best friend! I don't know Quinn."

"Well, you can get to know Quinn. I will even let you call me Q."

"I like Quinnie better. If you are going by Quinn, then I am calling you Quinnie."

"Fine. Okay, San. You can call me Quinnie, but only you can."

"I thought Frannie called you that."

"She stopped calling me that ages ago."

"Quinnie it is."

The summer went by really fast. Santana was my cheerleader, encouraging me, staying by my side. Soon, that gold-starred day came- Cheerios tryouts. My sister had prepped Santana and I so I felt ready. I didn't want to let her down. My sister made the Varsity squad as a freshman. She was a 3-year Captain. I didn't want to embarrass her.

Coach Sylvester wasn't nice. She was mean. I couldn't tell if she liked me or Santana. It was a really long two days. We wouldn't know her decision until the day before school started. I asked Janie if Coach said anything about me.

"She said she could tell you were my sister. I am guessing that is a good thing," Frannie told me.

I found out that Santana and I made the JV squad. Coach Sylvester chose us to be the JV Captains. We were all so happy. Coach introduced us to Brittany, a lithe, tall, blonde haired, blue-eyed girl who could do whatever crazy sequence she asked. She dubbed us The Unholy Trinity. I didn't know what was unholy about us. Santana and I just graduated from Catholic school and went to Mass every Sunday. For whatever reason, it didn't matter. I was a Cheerio. My sister was so proud of me. My mom and dad were proud too. For the first time in my life, my parents were proud of me. Finally. They weren't proud of me when I was valedictorian of our 8th grade class or when I danced a solo in ballet. They were proud about me being a cheerleader.

Santana, Brittany, and I were excited to get our uniforms. The Varsity members gave us our outfits. Frannie gave me mine. She was so happy.

"Here you go, Captain."

I took the uniform from my big sister and smiled up at her. This was the best day of my life and I had my best friend right next to me.

High school was going to different from St. John's. No one would be calling me "Lucy Caboosey." I was Quinn Fabray, captain of the Junior Varsity Cheerios. This was going to be an awesome year.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Chapter 5_**

"And that's a wrap everyone. Thank you," Gretchen proclaims, as we all do the customary clapping after a shoot is announced as finished.

What a whirlwind first week.

One of the fashion photographers had a family emergency and Gretchen put me in his spot for the rest of the week. I was excited for the opportunity. I could tell she was impressed by my work. It didn't hurt that I was photographing beautiful women in exquisite clothing.

"Quinn, you really impressed me and Hugo with your ability to jump right in here. Your photos are fabulous. I can tell that we will be using quite a few of them for the Holiday Catalogue."

"Wow, Gretchen. That is amazing. Thank you for the opportunity, " I tell her.

"Strong work, Quinn. Have a great weekend. See you Monday!"

An hour later, I was back home in Bushwick. I had the place to myself the whole weekend. Things with Ross were going really well. They were going to Boston for the weekend. I was happy to see Rachel so happy- maybe even in love. Oh the possibility! She has been through so much in such a short time. Losing Finn nearly killed her.

I was so smart to have picked up the essentials for weekend home alone: Ben and Jerry's Phish food; Hawaiian Hurricane popcorn; and UberEats at my fingertips. I was waiting for Taj Mahal Indian food.

BUZZ of the front door

"Oh, hey Miss Quinn!"

"Hi Ajay! How's school going?" I ask.

"Oh, good. I think my dad is finally coming around with the whole art school thing."

"It certainly took him long enough."

"Well, I told him about your 'stable' job and he finally gets that I can have stability as a photographer. But that doesn't stop him from guilting me about the family business."

"Ajiay, I'll come talk to him again. Tell him how great my job is and what an excellent photographer you are."

"Aww, thanks Miss Quinn. Mama gave you your favorite samosas because she saw that you didn't order any."

"I don't order then because she always gives them to me!'

I take the parcel of food and give him $20 for his tip.

"I can't accept this, Miss Quinn. It's too generous."

"Use it for your supplies. Being an artist ain't cheap."

"Thank you! Enjoy your dinner."

"Have a good night, Ajay."

I dig into the saag paneer and piping hot naan. Rachel got me into Indian food since they were so vegetarian friendly. I was more in the vegetarian spectrum since Rachel waa the cook. I liked the change it had on my outlook, I felt a lot lighter after eating a vegetarian meal, as opposed to a steak dinner. But, don't get me wrong- I was still most definitely a meat eater. Since Rachel was out, I would be having bacon and eggs for breakfast Sunday morning.

After dinner, I pick the shoebox up from my nightstand and settle in bed with it. I was taking a trip down memory lane this past week, ever since I saw Santana. I was holding picture number #3 in this sequence, a group picture of us after our first performance as New Directions. It was before my world was shattered and I lost Santana for the first time…

 ** _Flashback: 2008_**

Freshman year went by in a blur. Between Cheerios, Dance, and Honors classes, I was one busy bee. Thankfully, I had Santana at my side. We were inseparable. Wherever she was, I was and vice versa. She had decided to stay in Mr. Schue's Spanish class with me, much to her father's chagrin. She promised him that she would take A.P. Spanish as a sophomore and A.P. French as a junior, which made him much happier. In the meantime, she was having fun messing with Mr. Schue. She did all of our homework, even though I insisted I do my own.

I couldn't decide what I loved more, being a cheerleader, dancing contemporary, or being in class. I really loved art. For Christmas that year, my parents got me a camera. It was one of those old school ones where you had to learn about aperture and using Kodak film. I think in the summer I will take a photography class. I have loved dancing since forever. I was featured in both the Winter and Spring Showcases. My dad even came to my performances. Things were good between us. He did what he promised. I guess that, if I am being honest, I loved being a Cheerio the best. It was nice to be doing the same thing as Frannie, even if we were on different squads. We had something in common. She talked to me more and I could tell that she really loved me. She was the most popular girl at McKinley. Her influence made me the most popular freshman. That was okay, I guess. I was too busy to care about that. Besides, all I really needed was Santana. There was one boy who I kinda liked. His name was Finn Hudson. He was the back-up quarterback to Matt, my sister's boyfriend. He was cute. He would smile at me in the hallways. He was in English and Math class with Brittany. She told me he would ask about me. I thought that was nice. We hadn't really talked much. He seemed really shy around me. I was shy too. He was the first guy to ever notice me and I liked it.

By the time I knew it, I completed my freshman year at McKinley. This summer, we had Cheerios practice everyday and I had my photographpy classes in the evenings. Since Frannie and Katie graduated, Coach made me head cheerleader and captain of the Varsity squad. Santana was my co-captain. This made my parents and Frannie even prouder of me. Life was pretty awesome.

I spent most of my days and nights at the Lopez house. My mom didn't seem to mine. Since things were better between my dad and I, my mom invited Dr. Lopez over for coffee. They seemed to be on much better terms. It was okay that I stayed at Santana's house.

At night, Santana and I would stay up and talk about boys. She told me that she wasn't really that interested in any of them. One boy, named Noah, seemed to have a crush on her. He had a mohawk and was a wide receiver on the football team. This year, since Matt graduated too, Finn was going to be starting quarterback. I was excited that I would be cheering for him. One night I asked Santana:

"San?"

"Yeah, Quinnie," she answered. I always smiled when she called me that. When Frannie would call me Quinnie, it was usually out of annoyance. When Santana did it, she said it differently. It made me happy.

"What do you think it feels like to kiss a boy?"

"I don't know. I never have. I have kissed Britt though, but I don't think kissing girls really counts. I don't think it is the same thing."

"I have never kissed a boy or a girl. Remember, I refused to play spin-the-bottle at your graduation party and I was always 'It' whenever we played Tag, so you never kissed me then," I say with a laugh.

Santana said, "My cousin Rosa told me that I should practice on the back of my hand. We could try that."

"Sure. How does that work?"

"I think you just put your lips on your hand, like this, then you start moving them, I guess."

We tried that for a bit, but it felt weird. I didn't think it was working.

"I think I am doing it wrong. Maybe, do you think we could practice on each other?"

San looked at me for a moment, before saying, "Yeah, sure. Why not."

We scooted closer together. She looked into my eyes and I looked into hers. Santana had really pretty eyes. They were like brown M&Ms. It was hard not to get lost in them. She said she thought I had very pretty eyes. I felt her put her hand on my arm, moving closer to me. I reached up and put my hand on her cheek, cupping it. I saw Frannie do that sometimes before she would kiss Matt. I counted to 3 and I kissed her. I didn't really know what to do, but Santana reacted to my kiss. She kissed me back. I smiled into her kiss and started to move my lips. I didn't know how to explain how it felt kissing her. I didn't have anything to compare it to. I wonder if kissing Finn will feel like this. It felt amazing. Now, I knew why this was such a big deal. I opened my mouth and kissed her with more urgency. Santana followed my lead and soon, our kisses were more passionate. I started to feel something in my tummy, like a pulling sensation. Whatever it was, it was good. I could feel San swipe her tongue along my bottom lip. She wanted to kiss my tongue. I let her and I kissed hers. She moved her hand to the back of my neck, pulling me closer to her. I started kissing her jaw, then moved to kiss behind her ear. I told her, "I really like this San. This is better than kissing our hands," before continuing down to her neck. I kissed her neck where I could feel her heartbeat. It was going really fast, as was mine. She copied my movements and I could feel her suck and nip at my neck. It felt so good. After a while, we had to stop so that we could breathe. We rested our foreheads together, breathing fast and heavy.

"Quinn, that was awesome," Santana said, after she caught her breath.

"Yeah, it was. Do you think it really is like that with boys?"

"I guess so. On no. Your neck." She presses her hand where she was kissing. "Quinn, it is turning a different color." I remember that my sister would have to put concealer over her neck. She said it was because Matt gave her a hickey. Santana gave me my first hickey.

"Don't worry, San. I can put make-up on it, just like Frannie does. She does it all the time."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Can we practice some more?" she asked.

"Yes, I think I would like that."

Every time I would stay at her house, we would practice. I loved it. Her lips were so soft, like 2 pillows. I could always taste her Bubble Gum Lip Smackers. She said mine lips tasted like cotton candy. I wasn't sure if what we were doing was okay. I didn't tell anyone about this. I knew that Santana didn't tell anyone. It was our little secret.

That first day of Sophomore year, it felt different than my first day of high school last year. Frannie wasn't here anymore. She was at Yale with Matt. I missed her so much. I know that my dad really missed her. Because I was Captain, people were already treating me differently. When I walked the hall, with Santana on my left and Brittany on my right, it was like I was parting the Red Sea. This year, I had all the same classes with Santana, except for Spanish. She was in A.P., just like she promised her dad. I decided to take French, since she wasn't going to be in class with me. Maybe, it would be more challenging.

That boy, Finn Hudson, was in my French class. I wondered why. Most sophomores would be in Spanish II or French II. It was considered odd that I was taking Beginning French as a sophomore, but no one said that to my face. They didn't question me because I was Quinn Fabray, Captain of the Cheerios. He sat next to me in class.

"Hi, Quinn."

"Finn, aren't you supposed to be in English class with Brittany? Besides, you are supposed to speak in French."

"Uh, I don't how to," he says to me, blushing.

"So, that is why you are taking French, isn't it?" I smiled at him. He smiled back.

He started passing notes to me. I actually liked him. I knew he liked me, too. I would see him after school, because he would have football practice while I was at Cheerios Practice. Coach now made us run 5 miles before we started, because we were Varsity and she wanted to be cruel. Santana and I still beat everyone everyday. Now, we would race each other. Santana was really fast. She would beat me most of the time. Sometimes, I think she would let me win.

We were still kissing whenever I stayed over her house. Now, it was something I looked forward to. I think that she did, too. I really enjoyed being so close to her. She was my best friend. I don't think most best friends kiss but we weren't like most people.

Finn asked me out the 3rd Friday of September. I told him yes, but only if it was a double date. I asked Santana if she would go on the date with me. I told her that Finn would bring his best friend, Noah, the wide receiver with a mohawk. She agreed.

On Friday night, my dad dropped me off at Breadstix. He was happy that I was going out on a date with the quarterback of the football team. I think that he liked the idea that I going to be just like Frannie. I waited outside the restaurant and saw Dr. Lopez drop of Santana. He looked worried. Soon, Finn and Noah were there. I found out that Noah wanted to go by the name of Puck because his last name was Puckerman. He thought it was more "bad ass," as he said. Personally, I liked his name. Noah was an important man. He built an ark. Anyway, I sat next to Santana in the booth and the boys sat across from us. Santana was really nervous. I could tell because she grabbed my hand under the table. We held hands the whole time. It was a nice dinner. Puck was really funny. Finn was adorable. Santana was having a good time by the end of the date. I had a good time because my best friend was with me. Dr. Lopez picked us up. He looked at Puck sternly and I think he scared him. He must have given him that Army Colonel look that Santana was so afraid of.

If I am being honest, going home with Santana was what I was really excited for. Lately, we were going further. I looked it up. We were on 2nd base. It means that we were "touching or kissing each others' breasts" and we "can be either clothed or not clothed." I wanted to try it not clothed tonight. I wasn't sure what to call what were doing. I was feeling something for Santana. I don't think best friends should feel the way that I feel about Santana. I mean, I don't feel this way for Britt, just Santana. I wonder if she felt the same way. Or maybe she still thought of this as practice for the boys.

I was wearing what I usually wear to sleep, pajama pants and a tank top. Santana was always hot, so she wore boy shorts and a tank top. She was so beautiful. Looking at her made my body buzz, like I had drank an espresso. I touched her shoulder, slipping down the strap, kissing her. I think she was surprised at my boldness. I could feel her snake her hands underneath my tank, caressing my sides. When she reached my breasts, I moaned. I stopped and I pulled the tank top over my head. She looked at me, at my chest.

"Quinn, you are so very beautiful." It made me blush. She looked like she was in awe. I took her left hand and placed it on my breast. Her touch made me feel that pulling tug on my stomach. I could feel myself getting wet, but it wasn't like I peed in my pants. It was something entire different.

"San, can I take off you tank?" She nodded and I pulled hers off. Her breasts were bigger than mine and they were perfect. I let my fingers linger along the sides, before dipping my head, kissing them. Santana threw her head back.

"God, Quinn, that feels so good."

"Santana, you make me feel like I can fly." She laughed, as she lifted me up, kissing me. We touched and kissed for a long time. When she put my nipple in her mouth, I gasped. I didn't think it was possible to feel this good. When I did the same thing to her, she moaned even louder. It was the best night of my life.

After our first date, Finn, Puck, Santana would I would go out almost every Saturday. We went bowling, roller skating, even miniature golfing. I was really liked Finn. He was sweet and nice to me. He would always hold the door for me or pull out my chair when we were eating out. On a Friday in October, we went our first solo date at Breadstix. I had a wonderful time. At the end of the night, as we stood on my doorstep, I leaned in a kissed him. I don't think he expected it. I pulled back and smiled at him. He gave me a goofy grin, then walked back to his mom's car.

Once I was in my room, I tried calling Santana but she wasn't answering her phone. I wanted to tell her all about my date and to hear about her date with Puck. I guess that I would just see her in the morning, for Cheerios practice, before we had to cheer for the big Varsity game that night.

I didn't get to talk to Santana until we were alone in her room the next night. We were both exhausted after cheer practice and the football game. Most nights after football games, I would stay over at Santana's. When we got to her home, we both showered and got in our pajamas. I could tell I would be really sore tomorrow. Coach only gave us Sundays off, because it was God's day of rest. Santana was different. I don't know what it was but I felt it.

I sat on her beanbag chair and she sat across from me. I was about to tell her about my date with Finn, when she said it.

"I slept with Puck."

I was not expecting that at all. It took me a moment before I spoke. She looked embarrassed. She didn't need to be. It was just me. She could tell me anything.

"What to you mean, San?"

"I had sex with Puck."

"Okay. How was it?"

"I didn't feel anything. It was his first time, too. It hurt a lot. I didn't feel the way that I feel when I am with you. I am so confused. I thought it make me feel good. I know that he felt good. I felt like I wasn't there. I was wishing I was with you," she said, as she began to cry. I got up from the chair. Santana never cried. In the seven years I had known her she only cried once, when she broke her arm falling off the monkey bars. I held her and kissed her head, saying, "San, it will be okay, I promise."

After a while, she stopped shaking. I wouldn't let her go. I held her all night long. I sung to her the songs we sung in Children's Choir. She cried herself to sleep. I laid down with her, pulling a blanket from her bed. She burrowed into me and I could feel her relax.

This thing with Santana, it made me confused. I liked Finn, I really did. But I don't think I could feel this way about anyone else. I think I was in love with Santana. As soon as I thought it, I felt my stomach plummet and my heart race. Is this what being in love feels like? I was supposed to like boys not girls, not Santana. I was sure I was wrong. I loved her as my best friend, that was what I meant. But, I had feelings for her. No, this was wrong. I need to be with Finn. Being with him would help me sort this out. We can't practice anymore. I decided. So, for last time, I captured her lips in a kiss. As always, she kissed me back, even in her sleep. I kissed her because I knew it was the last time. I kissed her until I felt hot tears run down my face. I wrapped myself around her, holding close, breathing in her scent. I ran my fingers up and down the length of her arms. I fell asleep, being in love with her. When I would wake up tomorrow, I wouldn't be. I was sure of it.

I was wrong. I woke up with that same feeling. I didn't know how to fix it. I wanted to ask Santana. I always told her everything. What if she got mad at me? What if she didn't want to be my best friend anymore? I can't tell her. I won't.

That Monday, Finn asked me to be his girlfriend. He said yes. I started to spend more time with him, after Cheerios practice and on the weekends. I still saw Santana, but I didn't know how to be around her and not love her the way I did. I missed her. I missed her kisses and her touch. I miss sleeping next to her. But, all that gets me in trouble. I was with Finn now. He was my boyfriend. Santana and Puck were also going steady. Santana was still my best friend, but I couldn't trust myself around her.

Puck had a big Halloween Party at his house. The football team and the Cheerios were there. I was with Santana. Puck gave us wine coolers. It was my first time drinking alcohol. It tasted fruity. Santana turned to me and pulled me into Puck's little sister's bedroom.

"Are you mad at me, Quinn?"

"What? No, San. I am not mad at you. Why would you think that?"

"Ever since you started dating Finn, I barely see you anymore. You never sleep over. We don't hang out anymore. I miss you."

I couldn't stop myself from saying it. "I miss you too, Santana, so much."

She pushed me up against the door and kissed me. It had been too long. I melted into her and we kissed for a long time, until someone knocked on her door. We separated quickly, as Finn opened the door.

"There you are, Quinn. I've been looking for you. Oh, hey Santana. I was going to go. I don't drink so I am pretty bored."

"Okay, Finn. I'll come with you."

I looked at San then gave her a hug, whispering, "I'll meet you at your house in 20 minutes." She beamed.

"Good night, Finn."

"See you later, Santana."

Finn walked me home. I kissed him good night, which made him smile the biggest smile. After he left, I ran to Santana's house. She was waiting for on her doorstep. We rushed into her house and up her stairs. As soon as she closed the door, I attacked her. I wasn't thinking; I was feeling. I feeling Santana all around me. I was feeling love all around me. It felt amazing. I felt like I was alive.

"God, Santana, you make me feel so good."

She dragged me to her bed and I fell on top of her. Feeling like this can't be wrong. I pushed those thoughts aside and focused on this beautiful girl underneath me. She helped me out of my jacket and unbuttoned my shirt. She unhooked my bra and stared at wonder.

"I will never get tired of seeing you, Quinnie. You are the most beautiful thing in the world," she says, as she pulls me down on top of her.

We kissed for what seems like forever, exploring each other, being in each other's space. There was only us and this. We must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know, someone is knocking on Santana's door. She shoots up out of bed and throws me a shirt. She grabs hers off of the floor, "Coming! Coming!" She shoots one more look my way before she opens the door.

"Nieta, aren't you coming to church with me? I have been waiting for you downstairs. We are going to be late!"

"I am sorry, abuela. I just woke up. Just go without me."

I can hear her abuela scold her. She closes the door and plops on the bed.

"It's okay, San. We woke up late."

"I know. It's just a really big deal to her to miss Sunday Mass."

I pull her back in bed and snuggle against her. "But I missed you when you were gone."

"I was gone for like 2 seconds. You're are silly."

We fall back asleep and I have never been happier.

It is when I am alone that these conflicting thoughts cloud my mind. I can't sort it out. I have been with Finn for 6 weeks now. Shouldn't I feel something for him? I mean, he is my boyfriend, after all. I feel a lot for Santana; I feel love for her. I haven't said anything to her. I don't know how. I don't want to lose her. She is with Puck now, anyway. Maybe if I sleep with Finn, it will make me love him, instead of Santana.

ring-ring-ring

"Hello?"

"Quinn, it's Shelby. Are you free tomorrow afternoon? Little miss Beth is requesting a play date with her Mama Q. "

"Oh, hey Shelby! Yes, I'm free. Why don't you both come over here to the loft. We can bake cookies then have a Disney movie marathon, starting with The Beauty and the Beast, her favorite. I'll even cook her favorite supper."

"Hold on, Quinn, she wants to talk to you-"

I hear Shelby hand the phone to my 9 year-old daughter.

"Mama Q?"

"Yes, sweetheart."

"I asked Mom if I could come over tomorrow. I miss you."

"Aww, baby, I miss you too! Yes, come over. We'll bake cookies and watch movies!"

"Yay! See you tomorrow, Mama Q. I love you."

I hang up the phone with my Beth. She was the thing that shattered my world. She made my world brighter and my life complete. She was the one good thing I've done in my life. But it was my pregnancy with her that made Santana and I grow apart. It was when her and Brittany got closer and I felt so isolated and alone. I was even closer to Rachel at that time in my life, that I was with Santana.

I get the next picture out of the box- Beth's first picture in the hospital. She was so beautiful and perfect. She is my everything, my Beth. I get up and go to the cupboard to make sure I have everything I need to make Beth's favorite cookies.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Don't you dare, Beth Eloise!"

My daughter had two fistfuls of flour. Shelby was recording all of our shenanigans for posterity.

She threw the flour in my hair. I flinged chocolate chips at her. We were having a great time, making chocolate chip matcha daughter has quite the sophisticated palate. I was also making chicken tenders, mac and cheese, and green beans. I helped Beth put the last tray of cookies in the oven. Now, this was our tradition- a flour fight after we were done baking. Beth has grown into a thoughtful, kind, intelligent little girl. Shelby had really done a wonderful job raising her. She moved to NYC during Rachel's sophomore year at NYADA. It was then that she and Rachel got close, which, in turn, helped me to be more involved in my daughter's life. I missed her first couple of years. She was in pre-school by the time I was re-introduced to her. I was Auntie Quinn before I became Mama Q. It was a good way to start to be integrated back into her life. Shelby was 100% supportive, as was Rachel. Initially, Puck was involved too, but since he stayed back in Lima, he fell out of her life. Beth had a great male role model in her adoptive father, Stephen. He loved and doted on her like she was his own daughter. Shelby met him when they got paired up as class parents of Beth's Kindergarten class. Stephen's son, Michael, and Beth were inseparable. Stephen even adopted Beth so he was legally her father. Beth was so loved. She had 2 mommas, a papa, a stepbrother, and, perhaps the most important person, her big sister, Rachel. She adored her.

"Mama Q, where is my sister?"

"Rachel is away for the weekend with a friend. She'll be sad that she missed you today."

Beth nodded as I detected a pout.

"I think she is free next weekend so I'm sure you will see her then. Maybe your mom will let you sleep over."

"Momma, please? I miss Rachie."

"Beth, I'll ask Rachel when she gets home from Boston, ok? Now, let's start Beauty and the Beast."

As they were watching, I called Rachel. She was indeed sad that we baked cookies without her. She was free next weekend, as was I, so after the movie, I told Beth. She couldn't wait till next week. After dinner, Beth fell asleep on the couch. Stephen came by to pick up his daughter and take her home. I handed him practically all of the cookies. I made them because I knew they were his favorite, too.

"Oh, Quinn, you shouldn't have. My waistline wil hate you for it but I love you," he says, giving me a peck on the cheek. He had become a father figure to me as well. Just like I looked to Shelby for advice. What a wonderfully strange blended family we had become.

I kiss my babygirl's forehead and they head out for their home in Park Slope. Stephen shared custody of Michael with his ex-wife, who was a great woman, also involved in our family circle. We really were the evolution of a modern family.

That night, I pull out that worn, trusty box. The next pictures were some candids from our trip to Nationals in NYC. What a time that was.

 ** _Flashback: 2009_**

"Quinn! Quit hogging the bathroom! I needs to re-pencil my eyebrows on!" Santana says, slamming on the bathroom door.

"It's all yours," I say, walking out as I see her with, of course, Brittany standing by her side.

"Everybody's already in the other room working," Santana informs me.

"Oh yeah? Is Mr. Shue in there? Because I think I'm gonna tell him that Rachel and Kurt keep sneaking off."

Brittany says, "You can't do that. He'll have to suspend them."

"Then goes our chances at Nationals…Darn!"

Santana interrupts, "You know what? We get it. You're pissed about Finn dumping your sweet ass. Get over it!"

"I don't want to get over it! Okay?

"The only person you are sabotaging here is yourself," Santana retorts.

I yell back, "I don't care about some stupid show choir competition!"

"Well, you should because this is the one chance that we have to actually feel good about ourselves."

I say, barely holding it together, "Aren't we supposed to be the popular girls? So, why can't we have our dreams come true? She has love, Tina it, even Zizes hooks up. The tears begin to fall as I sit on the queen size bed. Santana joins me on right and Britt of my left.

"I just want somebody to love me," tears falling in earnest.

"I think I know how to make you feel better, Santana says, as Brittany comforts me, stroking my shoulder length hair.

"I'm flattered Santana but really I'm just not that into that."

Santana takes a moment and realized what I am saying.

"No, no. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about a haircut."

"Yes. Totally." Brittany agrees with her girlfriend.

Santana is being sweet to me when I am having a breakdown. She shorns my blonde locks and yes, it does make me feel better.

 ** _Present day_**

I look at the mirror. Shoulder-length again. It's time for another cut. I make a mental note to call Paloma, my hair stylist, as I grab one of the cookies. Damn, they were good.

That next week at work, Gretchen had me more involved in projects shooting the models. This was certainly a big step up, as I was hired to do catalogue work, photographing objects and clothes. I guess she spoke with Rod, her boss and showed him my photos from last week's shoot. He agreed with her to move me up, shooting the models. This came with a nice little raise, which I was grateful for. I could use the money to save more for Beth's college fund. It wasn't that I was avoiding Santana. I just never had the chance to see her again. I was grateful for it. I was still trying to sort out my feelings for her. They definitely were there. Growing even, as I develop the pictures I took of her from afar. I took one and added it to my box, placing it all the way in the back of the box. I still have several more pictures to go in the story of us. The next picture I look at doesn't even have Santana in it.

 **Flashback: On my way**

It didn't hurt at first. Then the pain came roaring in was sharp, almost reminiscent of giving birth to my daughter. "On my way" was the last thing I texted to Rachel before I was hit by the speeding pick-up truck. I'm lucky to be alive. I finally came around on the idea of her and Finn getting married. Now, I wish that didn't make them postpone a wedding that never ended up happening. The photo I was holding was of Arty and I at the handicapable skate park. The rest of you were at Great Adventure. We were all supposed to be together for Senior Ditch Day but I was with Arty and you were with Brittany. It made me work harder in physical therapy with Joe. I knew he had a huge crush on me. I was intrigued but he most definitely wasn't you. I wondered if you ever remembered us from freshman year. Man, that was light years away, when it was you and me versus the world. I still remembered and I sometimes I wish I could go back to that time. I wish that I had the courage to tell you I loved you, instead of sleeping with Puck. But, then again, that one time gave me my Beth. So, there was no use in wishing or looking back. Not when I had a bright, shiny, new future waiting for me in New Haven, Connecticut. Not when I had a daughter that needed me, in whatever capacity I could be in her life. I pushed myself harder in each session, amazing my physical therapist with my progress. Soon enough, I could stand on my own, then I could take small steps. My plan was working and I knew I'd be able to stand by Senior prom. I knew that I would pull myself up from my chair when I was singing with Santana. I wanted it to be her who saw me first. I wanted her to be proud of me. And, oh boy, was she shocked. Everyone was. I was in the moment, singing a love song with my Santana. She didn't know she was mine. She didn't know that she, and of course Beth, were the ones who motivated me to work so hard. Santana wrapped her arm around me, holding me up and I felt it all again- the tingles and butterflies. All that work I did- the pain and sweat, the hours spent after school in PT- it was all worth it for Santana's embrace. I did have a picture of us and of that moment. It was one of my favorites.

 **Present day**

It was the weekend already and our sleepover with Bethie was tonight. Work was going great. I got to know the models and they acclimated to my style. The photos I took were amongst the best of my career. I still saw no sign of Santana. 2 weeks now with no sighting. I started to think I imagined her but I looked her up on the employee directory. I didn't dare call her of leave her a message. I was still sorting myself out.

"So, no Santana yet?" Rachel asked.

"Nothing yet and I'm fine with that."

Rachel gave me a look, like I-don't-believe-you-Quinn.

"Now, this is a good thing, Rach. I'm not ready."

"Maybe you never will be Quinn. At least not 100% ready."

Before I could answer her, there was a knock on our sliding door. Rachel pulls open the door and her little sister jumps in her arms. How she loved her big sister. Then she ran inside the loft and came to me, holding her arms out. I picked her up and swung her around until she giggled. What an angelic sound.

Shelby came in behind her, dropping off her things on our couch.

"Quinn. Rachel. Thanks so much for taking her tonight. Stephen and I are so excited to have a date night. Michael is with his mom tonight so we can finally go out. It's been so long." Shelby tells us.

"Well, we have a big night plan, don't we Quinn? Manis and pedis and my lil sis' fave movie already in the dvd player: Anastasia. Quinn is already making one of Bethie's favorite meals: tacos!"

Bethie get even more excited. "Ok mom! Good night! See you tomorrow!" she says, practically push her out the door.

"I'll take that as my cue," Shelby says, as she kisses both me and Rachel on the cheek. Then she turns her her daughter, "Behave for your Mama Q and Rachel, ok, honey? I'll see you tomorrow morning. And please ladies, not too much sugar."

That causes a pout from my daughter.

"Are ice cream sundaes, ok, mom?" I ask Shelby.

"Ice cream doesn't count, Quinn," Shelby says with a wink and a smile. "Well, I'm off to get my nails done, too. Have fun!"

This was a night that I needed. I loved spending time with my daughter. She was growing up so fast. This night put Santana on the back burner and it gave me a break from stewing in my thoughts. My Bethie got all my attention Saturday night. This time, Santana can wait.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

I was cleaning my room, listening to the Sara Bareilles Station on Pandora when "Love Song" comes on. Immediately, I am transported to that weekend we spent in NYC, saving Rachel from a horrible decision.

 **Flashback**

I can't believe that prude Rachel Barbra Berry is actually considering doing a topless scene for some lame student film. Furthermore, I cannot believe it is Santana and I who were sent by our friends to stop her. As if Rachel would listen to us. She marches to the beat of her own loud, musical drum. But I sure as hell was gonna try. This was the worst idea since "Run, Joey, Run."

I won't deny that seeing Santana was an added bonus. Since Slapsgiving and our confrontation in the choir room, we started talking again. I was happy to have my friend back. My best friend. We would FaceTime on Sundays and text throughout the week. I could tell that she was unhappy in Louisville. After breaking up with Britt, she was aimless. I knew that she belonged in NYC. Maybe I could convince her of this during this whirlwind weekend trip.

Flashback

"Lady Hummel called, begging us to do an emergency intervention," Santana says

"On who?" Rachel questions.

"You."

"So, let me get this straight. You guys came all the way to New York just to talk to me because Kurt called you," Rachel states.

"And we are also here to shop," Santana says.

"And we are here to apologize to Quinn for slapping her across the face very, very hard, "I say pointedly at Santana.

"In theory. We'll just see if that happens," she retorts.

"Rachel, you cannot do a nude scene, Santana continues."

"it's not a nude scene. It's just a topless scene." Rachel proclaims.

"Same thing. Topless is as nude as anyone is ever gonna see you," Santana answers her.

"Let's say you do it. Think about the 2-2 -2 rule," I say.

"In 2 weeks, how are you going to feel about the nude scene?

"You'll probably feel really great," Santana answers.

"Yeah." Rachel says.

"You get to feel the nice, cool breeze on them skeeter bites. You'll feel refreshed, even."

"Then, how are you going to feel about in 2 months from now?"

"Nervous? Worried it might not even be good."

"Rachel, it's a student film. It's not going to be good."

"And 2 years form now? How you gonna feel about it then?" I press on.

"Guilty- just hoping my kids never see it online."

"Oh, they'll see it, and they will never be the same," Santana says knowingly.

"Okay. Why am I even taking advice from you? Didn't you have a sex tape that leaked online?"

"Yes, I did. A sex tape that follows me around to this very day. Look my name up on the internet right now."

"Santana Lopez: nuse, lezz, boobies, sex tape, Mexican or Dominican?

"Booyah! That will exsist forever, Santana says with a twinge of regret.

"Santana, some women find it empowered to be naked on film," Rachel practically yells to get her point across.

"Yes, but in a student film that is probably about someone's grandma with alzheimer's."

"Look, we care about you." I tell her.

"And for once, Rachel, we actually have your best interest in mind, Santana says truthfully.

"Please don't do it, " I finally beg.

Rachel took our advice and didn't do the scene. Instead, we sang Sara Bareilles' Love Song.

By the end, Rachel says she has no regrets, telling us, "You can't make new old friends!" She takes us out to dinner, when Santana tell of her plans to stay in NYC.

Because she comes to NYC, I use that pass that Rachel gets me. Sure, it's to see Rachel and Kurt. But if I'm being honest, it's to see Santana. We grow closer and forge a new friendship as adults. We leave the cattiness behind and I can say I have my best friend back.

 **Present Day**

Work keeps be busy, even as a half-heartedly look for Santana every day. She must be busy too, with her clients.

At night, I keep going through our pictures during my time from Yale. Clambakes and field days. My 1st showing of my photography in a student show. Santana looks so proud of me that I feel proud of me too. That show made me believe that I could actually make a living after something I loved. Then, something happened. Brittany came back into all our lives. It's not that I was angry or upset. I just knew that Santana never let her go and here she was, back from touring the world. She proclaimed she was settling down in NYC and she made it clear she wanted Santana back. It was then that we drifted apart. The last picture I saw that night was us getting ice cream after walking the Brooklyn Bridge, just the two of us. We didn't become the Unholy Trinity again. They became Brittana again. And my heart broke knowing where it was heading, even they didn't.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

 **Flashback**

After we made it a two-time thing in the Lima Grand Hotel on Valentine's Day, I sat up propped up by pillows. Santana was playing with my belly. It was the one thing that wouldn't go back to what it was pre-pregnancy, despite how hard I worked on my body. I joined the Club Crew Team in Yale and I was the fittest I have ever been. Santana did notice my toned physique, which she enjoyed lavishing. It was by stretch marks that she was lingering over now.

"Quinn, do you know how beautiful you are? I mean it. This strong body of yours carried a baby for nine months. You gave birth to a healthy baby girl. You are amazing," she said in awe, and she reached up to give me a tender kiss. She made me blush. I kissed her back, sweetly at first, until I felt the sparks of passion of igniting. Could we make this a 3-time thing? A hat trick?

"I can't believe we slept together. I slept with my other best friend. And you know what, Q? I have zero regrets."

I turned to Santana and looked in her eyes. All I saw was sincerity. I wanted her to look in my eyes and see that I had no regrets too. Tonight was a revelation. Did this mean I was a lesbian? Or was this an isolated encounter? I force these thoughts to the back of my mind but Santana saw my face change.

"Hey, where did you go? Do you regret it? Because I don't. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be here with you. Being with you, like this, it made me see a whole new side of you. I didn't think you had it in you, Quinn. I must admit, you are a quick study," she says with a chuckle. "Wait, are you freaking out? Are you having gay panic?" You don't need to label yourself. C'mon, let's stay here in this moment," she says as she snuggles into me, resting her raven hair on my bare breast.

"I… I just didn't know what got into me, San. The moment I saw you at the church, I knew I wanted you. And I never felt that before, for someone of the same sex. But it didn't scare me. It just made me feel bold and confident that I could get you."

"Well, Quinniebear, it worked. Your incessant flirting was topped off by our slow-dancing. I knew it at that moment that I didn't just want you, I needed you, just like a need you now. Please tell me that the night will never end."

I stroke her long locks and revel in the moment. I breathe in the moment. I couldn't help the words slip from my lips: "Santana, is this what a one-night stand is? Because it feels like more. It feels like love. And I have never felt that before."

"What about Finn? Sam? Puck?"

"I didn't love any of them. I knew they all loved me. They were all in love with me. And I didn't. But I think I might… I might love you."

Santana sat up and turned around to face me. I had tears in my eyes. Did I say too much? She thumbed away my tears and looked into my eyes. Hazel meeting brown.

"Lucy Quinn Fabray, I love you too."

And with that, she kissed me so deeply that I drowned. We made love again but maybe it was really the first time because the other times were rushed attraction. This time, we were slow and deliberate. When she was inside of me and we moved together, coming at the same time, I could feel her love for me. I wasn't sure if she could feel my love so I whispered to her as she laid down next to me. I told her I loved her over and over again, until it was the last thing she heard before she fell asleep.

 **PRESENT DAY**

Rachel states plainly, "Quinn, you to seek her out. You are in your head too much. Don't tell me you haven't been looking at your box of photographs. You must be at the end by now. "

I hoped up the last photo in my box: Santana tastefully naked after we made it a three time thing. My favorite pic was of her smoking causally, looking at me with those deep chocolate eyes. I loved this picture as I remebered that night- the night we made love.

"Ok, but what do I say? 'Hey Santana, I still love you?'"

"Maybe don't start with that right out of the gate. Invite her for coffee? That seems benign. Or banana pudding at Magnolia. That's a good ice breaker."

"Ok, Rach, I promise. Monday morning, I'll look for her. Ready to go? Beth and Shelby must me waiting for us."

We were taking Bethie to the Bronx Zoo, one of her faves, for her birthday. I made her a cake for later. It was her favorite: chocolate with chocolate chips and chocolate buttercream frosting, complete with rainbow sprinkles. We would be coming back here after our day at the zoo to exchange presents.

"Let's go, Quinnie. Our baby girl is waiting."

"No longer a baby but 10 years old. Where does the time go?" I rhetorically ask her.

"That's why you need to talk to San. Time waits for no one, Quinn."

I just nod in agreement. Monday was the day. I see Santana again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Where was I? I wake up and look around. I don't recognize this room, a bedroom. I look down and I'm wearing a comfy heather grey NYU t-shirt. I didn't go there for university but Santana did. Then, I hear a light snore. I'm not alone in this bed. I'm almost too afraid to look but my curiosity gets the better of me. I see coffee colored skin and raven colored hair. I see her wearing my old Yale Rowing t-shirt and she looks magnificant. She also looks delicious. I'm about to throw caution to the wind when the bedroom door bursts open with the angelic laughter of children. I see 2 kids that look like the perfect combination of us. A boy, who must be about 4, and a girl, maybe 2 years old. Their skin color is Santana's. The boy has darker hair but the girl has blonde hair like mine. I look in her eyes and they are hazel, just like mine.

"Mama! Wake up! I hungry." the boy exclaims, climbing up into bed.

The little girl extends her arms out to me and I easily lift her into bed with me. She snuggles into the crook of my neck and doesn't let go. I swear, she looks like Beth. Then, I hear Santana speak:

"Santiago, what did mommy tell you about coming into her room?" she says without even looking up.

He thinks for a moment, then answers, "Oh, mami. I supposed'ta knock first."

"Next time, mi amor, ok? Knock. Now, why are you awake so early? It's only 7 am. And it's Saturday," she says with a groan.

"My watch say 9," he says, as he looks at his watch, confused. A 4 year-old with a watch. "Soccer with Bethie! 9! You said last night!"

"Santi, remember what Miss Boyle taught you? Let's count, okay? She sits up, winks at me, and places a chaste kiss on my lips. They count to ten with their fingers. He was very smart.

"Great job, my son. Well, I guess mami is awake now. Who wants waffles? Quinniebear, your favorite. Why don't you wash up," she says as she reaches to take the little girl from my arms.

"Want mama," she says.

"Ok, Isabelle, stay with mama. Santiago and I will meet you in the kitchen. Let's go little man."

He scampers off the bed and Santana is about to do the same. This doesn't feel real. So, I kiss her to know if it's real. Isa giggles in my arms when we squish her between us. Her two moms.

"Babe, we do have to leave by 9 if we are going to make it on time to Beth's soccer game. Shelby reminded me last night."

Wow. How old must she be know? Certainly, she a teenager. Holy smokes. What kind of alternate universe am I in? I look down at my left hand and see a simple wedding band. Santana is wearing one too. I look over the fireplace in our bedroom and see what must be our wedding portrait. The look of pure love and joy evident in our faces. It was on a beach at sunset. Why don't I remember it? Our wedding? Our children?

BUZZ-BUZZ-BUZZ

"Quinn! If that alarm goes off one more time, I swear, I'm gonna come in there and break your clock."

It was a dream?

Being with Santana?

The kids?

All of it?

I look up and see Rachel standing in my doorway.

"Sleeping beauty, what were you dreaming about? Or rather who?"

"Santana. We were married and had 2 kids, Santiago and Isabelle. They were beautiful, Rach. It looked like a beautiful life."

"Well, first things, first, Q. Go and find her today. Maybe that is in future for you and Santana. We'll never know if you don't talk to her. It's the big day!"

"Oh shit. What am I going to wear?"

Rachel goes to my closet and picks out my black Levi's, black leather boots, pale green lacy t-shirt and my charcoal grey blazer.

"Here. This outfit looks like you now and it's professional enough for work. No babydoll dresses for you. It's winter for crissake and you are no longer 15."

She runs to her room and comes back with her beautiful silver pendant necklace.

"Here, wear this so you know you have my support. Now, go get in the shower, Quinn. No being late today."

"But what do I…"

"You say, Hi Santana. Start there, genius, she says as she pulls me up from bed. C'mon tiger. Go get your girl."

I make it to mid-town Manhattan in record time. I'm early for a change. I pop into the Starbucks right around the corner from work. I could use some liquid courage but I guess my dirty chai will have to do. I step in line and I hear it. Santana's voice. Husky. Oh shit.

"I'll have a venti caramel macchiato with 3 shots and almond milk. Extra hot. Thanks, Bobby."

"No worries, Santana. I'll have it right up."

She turns around and she is right in front of me. I can't even talk. I'm speechless.

"Oh my god! Quinn!" she says as she embraces me in her arms.

The feeling of being this close to her and the sensation of her arms around me makes me feel like I'm floating. It's as if in that briefest of moments, I flashback my old box of photographs. Old memories mixed with a brand new one.

I start with Rachel's opener: "Hi Santana."

She glances at her watch. "I have 20 minutes before I work. Do you have time to sit and chat?"

I just nod as the barista calls out her name.

"Quinn, you order. Just tell Bobby to put it on my tab, ok?"

She goes to find us a table and i'm trembling. Out of fear? Out of excitement? Probably a little of both.

"I'll have a venti soy dirty chai with a shot of vanilla. Ummm, put it on Santana's tab?"

"Of course…. miss….

"Quinn. The name is Quinn."

As I wait for my drink, my mind is racing. I just keep remembering my dream. My life with Santana.

"Quinn, dirty chai?"

I take my drink and walk over to Santana, who is on her iPhone. The years have been kind. She's still a knockout. I also look at her left hand- no wedding ring. I take that as a good sign.

I sit down and just look at her. I mean I really look at her and I can feel the butterflies. I can feel the energy exchange between us. I feel the fire. Can she feel it too?

"Quinn! This such a wonderful surprise!"

"Oh, yes it is, San. You look… amazing."

"Well, you look even more beautiful than I remember, Quinn. So, do you live here now?"

"Yeah, I actually live with Rachel. I moved here after I finished up at Yale. I just started a new job about a month ago. Over at Barney's New York. I'm a photographer working on their Fall Collection."

"No shit! I work there too! I'm a personal shopper for their high-end, demanding clients. I'm not supposed to name drop but I'm meeting with Rachel Weisz this morning. But I love working with her, she is as great as you think. Such as sweetheart."

"I love Rachel Weisz! One of my favorite actresses!"

"I'll make it a point to stop by the studio so you can meet her today. I'm so glad that you are following your heart Quinn. Photography. That's just great, Q. I'm so proud of you. You remember your first student show? I knew you had a special gift after I saw your photographs. You have a true gift."

I start blushing and decide to go or go home. Might as well know the answer now…

"So, how's Brittany?"

"Fine, I guess. We don't really talk much anymore. There is really nothing left to say."

"I'm so sorry, Santana."

"Don't be. We just grew apart. We mutually decided it was best. I mean I don't regret my time with her. I do regret losing you."

I look up at her. What does she mean? She reaches for my hand across the table.

"Quinn, I've really missed you. I didn't realize how much until I see you sitting across for me."

She glances at her watch.

"I've got to go, Q. Rachel is one of the rare actresses who is actually on time. I need to help find a dress for the BAFTAs. I'll stop by after we are done okay?"

She stands up and I stand up too. This time, she kisses me ever so gently on the cheek.

"Great seeing you, Quinniebear." she whispers in my ear and she heads for the exit.

I see back down. My legs are jelly.

Wow. Santana.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

I couldn't wait to get home. I had to tell Rachel- Mission Accomplished. I not only spoke with Santana but i nearly peed myself meeting Rachel Weisz, my current celebrity crush after seeing her in Disobedience and The Favourite.

"Rachel, I called out," as I pull the door of the loft back.

"In the kitchen! Tell me everything!" I could see we were having veggie burgers for dinner. I set to making my salt and cinnamon sweet potato fries. We were a great tandem.

"I met her at Starbucks by accident. She was ahead of me in line. Okay, to be fair, she spoke first. God, Rach, she is even more gorgeous that I remember. She and Brittany are divorced. Mutually agreed upon. She stopped by with Rachel Weisz in the afternoon and she was amazing. As awesome as it was meeting her, I couldn't keep my eyes off of Santana. It was all there Rachel- the electricity; the fire. I felt as if the room could combust and I could tell that Ms. Weisz picked up on the sexual tension. She actually pulled me aside when Santana got a phone call to tell me that Santana couldn't stop talking about me! Rachel told me to go for it and she couldn't wait to hear what happens. She even followed my IG account so we can keep in touch. When she had to walk Rachel out, I asked Santana to come over of Friday night for dinner. I hope that is ok.

"I have a date with Ross so the loft is all yours."

Rachel gives me a big hug.

"Quinn, I have a feeling this is going someplace special. I've never seen you this happy. Santana, huh? Like Quinntana! I made you smashup!"

I laugh heartily at that. I'll have to tell Santana that on Friday.

"OMG, Quinntana. Well it's like they called Finn and I Finchel. Silly teenagers."

"Rachel, I hope you are right. Santana sets my soul on fire. And I know I love her. I never stopped loving her, ever since that Valentine's night. Friday was on 3 days away."

I made steak medallions with asparagus and red mashed potaoes. Santana supplied the wine and we caught up in each other's lives. We remembered our shared pasts. We talk of our future plans and our current goals. We talked all night. On the couch, I made the first move. I pulled her toward me and kissed her. It felt like coming home. We slept in each other's arms that night. I was hoping it was the first of many.

We had many more firsts together. It was different this time around. We still had a past to hang onto but we had a future we were building upon. There was our first Summer Solstice and Vernal Equinox. Our first National Pizza Day and International Nap Day. Ok, so we were silly and found reasons to celebrate anything together. With a past as rich and deep as ours, inevitably, we moved fast. Almost lesbian fast. There was one special person who needed to meet Santana. My Beth.

We took my lovely daughter to the Liberty Science Center in New Jersey. It was one of her favorite places to go and I knew that Santana had never been. It was just the three of us and I could feel my new family forming as the day wore on. We saw the ocean movie in the IMAX theater and I could see Beth cling to Santana when she was scared, even when I was sitting next to her too. We bonded in the touch tunnel, where we fumbled in complete darkness, feeling our way out of the tunnel. Santana spoiled her, buying her cotton candy and a stuffed turtle, to remind her of the ocean movie. By the end of the day, my daughter adored Santana. Seeing her with my daughter made me love Santana even a little bit more that I thought possible.

 **Near future**

"Are we really doing this, San?"

"Well, I'm being serious, Quinn. Let's get married right now."

"Ok, babe, I love you, but you just proposed to me."

"And I don't waste another day not being your wife".

I turn around and see Rachel holding a beautiful white dress for me. I see my mom and her husband, a man I really adored. I see my daughter and Shelby all decked out. I see Santana's parents and even her abuela. The most important people were standing on a beach waiting for us to say "I do." So, I kiss my fiancee and let Rach lead me back to our suite.

"Did you know about this, Rachel Barbra Berry?"

"Of course I did! Who do you think helped Santana with the ring? And planning this ambush wedding?"

I give her the biggest hug in the world.

Santana picked out this simple Vera Wang dress. It was exactly my style, a simple shift dress with lace detail. I laugh at the light green garter belt, that she must have chosen to match my eyes. Rachel pulls my hair in a up-do. There is a knocking at the door. It's my mom, Shelby, and Beth. My mom has tears in her eyes. Frannie really wanted to be here but she couldn't with Matthew's schedule. She gives me a jewelry box and I see my grandmother's sapphire bracelet. My grandfather gave it to her for their first wedding anniversary since her birthday was in September.

"Your grandmother would want you to wear this. I wore it and Frannie wore it on our wedding day."

She places it on my left wrist as Rachel hands them all pink hibiscus wrist corsages.

"Let's get you hitched, Lucy Quinn Fabray."

So, in paradise, we got married.

I don't really remember my vows to Santana. I was a blubbering mess but so was she. God we were so in love. Thankfully Beth recorded our vows on her iPhone. Oh the technical savvy of my teenage daughter. Rachel was my maid of honor and Bethie a bridesmaid. Santana had Kurt as her best man. We got married at sunset in Oahu. It was a perfect day capped off my a perfect night. Our wedding night was actually the first night were together since that Valentine's Day many moons ago. We wanted it to be special. It was only 9 months since we met at Starbucks and what a whirlwind romance it has been.

As Santana and I made love, memories of that night together flashed through my head like photographs.

"Babydoll, we are making new memories for your box. We have our whole future ahead of us. Kids, of course, I mean, you do want kids?"

"I hope they look like you, I tell her. A boy, Santiago, and a girl Isabelle, after Beth. I dreamt about them already. They have your caramel colored skin. Santi has your dark hair and dark chocolate eyes. Isa has my blonde curls and hazel eyes. They are beautiful, Santana. Our children are magnificent."

"Well, my love, I hope they look like you," she tells me, kissing me all over.

We made love all night long and the morning of our first day as a married couple, we got matching tattoos. To commemorate our marriage in Hawaii, we got two turtles on our left ankles with a pink hibiscus, which was our wedding flower, with the saying we say to each other every night before going to bed, "I love you more." It was also engraved on the platinum wedding bands she got us. Every single day I knew I would love Santana more; more today than yesterday.

 **Further in the future**

"Papa!"

Santiago exclaimed as Kurt walked through the door.

"Hello, my godson."

Isa smiles and laughs at seeing Papa Kurt. It was Isa's 1st birthday and basically the family that came to the wedding is here.

Our 3-year old son loves his little sister. He is so protective her like her guard dog.

So, Kurt was our sperm donor. Him and Blaine wanted kids and this was a perfect way to get them. They spend time with Papa Kurt and Daddy Blaine. I carried our daughter Isabelle and Santana carried Santiago. Their personalities definitely came from their mothers.

Santiago led Kurt to the floor to play jumbo legos.

Rachel and her husband, Ross arrived to the party soon after. She was expecting their first baby, a boy. They were going to name him Finnegan, obviously for our lost friend, Finn. I was happy our children would be close in age.

I had a surprise for Santana. I got her a small gift to tell her I was pregnant. We felt that we needed a 3rd child to make our family complete. Little did she know, I was pregnant with twins. Kurt knew I was pregnant but we agreed to wait until Isa's birthday to tell Santana. The gift was necklace that had bars engraved with Santi's and Isa's birth dates and their corresponding birthstones. There were 2 empty bars, waiting to be engraved by our twins.

After Isa opened all of her presents, I pull Santana aside and pull out present.

She opened it and after she realized what it was, she cried, kissing me all over. Then she saw that there were 2 empty bars.

"Twins, baby? Really?"

I was speechless, seeing the joy on her face. I did the only thing I could think of to confirm her suspicions- I kissed her hard.

"Can we tell everyone?"

"Yes, babe. I'm past the 1st trimester."

Isabelle's birthday party turned into a baby shower of sorts for the new little ones we would be welcoming in 6 months or so.

Life was pretty grand.

I had my wife and my kids.

I had everything could of ever wanted.

Sometimes, I still pull out that shoebox of old photographs. Someday, I will use it to tell our children the story of us. It is a road that we have traveled, long and winding with peaks and valleys. As long as we promise to love each other more with every passing day, I know that we had a bright future ahead.

 **Way in the Future**

"Our boy is graduating from NYU today, San," I say as tears fill my eyes.

"I'm so proud of him, Quinn. High honors from Film School. We raised him right."

We are sitting in the audience, waiting to hear our son's name.

Isa is sitting next to me. She was a sophomore at Yale, studying biochemistry and French. She wanted to go to medical school and be a neonatologist. Issac decided to leave the nest completely by going across the country to Stanford, playing on their football team. He didn't know what he wanted to do but we assured him that he had plenty of time to figure it out. Our baby girl, Lucy, was quite an artist like her Mama Quinn. She excelled in photography but was also great in watercolors and pottery. Just like Isa, she was enrolled at Yale, since they had one of the top art programs in the country. Santana was upset that only one of our children went to her alma mater. I told her she could work on our grandkids. Santiago agreed that all of his kids would only be allowed to go to NYU. It made me laugh to hear how competitive they were. I would expect nothing less between mother and son.

"He's next, Mami," Issac tells his mom. We look at each other and give one another a kiss.

"Santiago Burt Lopez Fabray. Presidential Scholar, Summa Cum Laude."

We whoop and cheer enough to the point of embarrassment.

Afterwards, Santi and his fiancee meet us outside on the quad. He was going to grad school to further his film studies. His fiancee, a fellow NYC film student graduate would be following him. They were getting married one summer from now, after they both finished graduate school.

Santana pulls me away from the maddening crowd.

"One done, three to go."

"Can you believe this is our life, San? How did I get so lucky? Sometimes, i feel I don't deserve you."

"My Quinniebear. You deserve nothing but my unconditional love."

With that, I kiss my wife with passion, then I hear a click.

"Another one for the shoebox," Mama, Lucy says.

I look at the screen and see my wife and I, more in love than on our wedding day.

That old shoebox has been duct taped to hold it's shape. It is overflowing with memories of the life Santana and I created together. It is the story of us that has many photographs taken and many, many more memories waiting to be captured. When I pull out the box to remensince, I look at my favorite picture first: the one I took of Santana looking at me, coy and flirty, holding a cigarette, after our Valentine's night together. Her arm draped over her bosom and her eyes looking at me, filled with love. This is how I will forever remember my love.

My Santana.

Wow. Santana.


End file.
